


KATZENJAMMER

by Cat_Paw



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Pre-Slash, jack and gabe's cat hate eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22231156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Paw/pseuds/Cat_Paw
Summary: Jack had never been the biggest fan of cats - or any pets for that matter. He liked dogs well enough, he supposed. At least they were loyal and knew how to follow orders.But cats - cats were not to be trusted. Little sneaky, mean-spirited, sadistic assassins that were certainly not going to heaven and had an express ticket right down to the gates of hell no matter what Gabriel said otherwise.(or: 4 times Jack hated Gabriel's cat and one time he came to grudgingly accept it)
Relationships: Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	KATZENJAMMER

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure crack and only exists because I needed something to write as a warm up. Not the best thing in existence but I hope it has its raison d'être.

I.  
  
Jack had never been the biggest fan of cats - or any pets for that matter. He liked dogs well enough, he supposed. At least they were loyal and knew how to follow orders. Something that Jack also valued a lot in humans and especially his subordinates.  
But cats - cats were not to be trusted. Little sneaky, mean-spirited, sadistic assassins that were certainly _not_ going to heaven and had an express ticket right down to the gates of hell no matter _what_ Gabriel said otherwise. Gabriel lived with one of these little horror monsters because of course he did. A dark grey monstrosity named Lady Monster Truck. Sometimes Jack was convinced Reyes did these things only to piss him off even more. Because Gabriel couldn't even have chosen a halfway well-behaving cat. Oh no! It had to be the evilest of the all - their fucking emperor judging by the way that thing was behaving around anyone. It seemed to have to modes: hating everyone (especially Jack) and loving Gabriel. There was no in between. Jack was sure that cat had come from the very worst corner of hell just to punish him for something he must have done wrong in a previous life. When Jack entered Gabe's apartment, it's eyes seemed to hone in on him and he could swear he saw the little cogs and wheels turning in it's head how it was going to torment him today. He couldn't even sit on Gabe's sofa without it trying to claw through his favorite pair of jeans towards his femur. Gabe kept telling him Lady just didn't know how to keep his claws fully inside his paws and meant no real harm. But Jack knew otherwise. If a cat could smirk, Lady Monster Truck did whenever Jack left Gabriel's apartment.

  
II.

  
Whenever Gabe was away on a Blackwatch mission, it fell to Jack to take care of his cat. Neither was quite happy about it and the lady always showed his disapproval in new and exciting ways that Jack could not even foresee.  
"Oh my god! You're supposed to be a clean species! This is disgusting!"  
Lady Monster Truck purred happily on top of the washing machine and looked down at Jack's blond mop of hair as he tried to save what was left of the bathroom carpet. Because instead of using his littler box as he was supposed to Lady had used the bathroom floor and had provocatively shat on the carpet and then rubbed his ass all over it. Gabriel would kill him that he had somehow traumatized his cat enough that he would do such a thing. A quick glance up told him that cats could definitely smirk and he would kill Lady one day for sure. Maybe even today and then he could end this nightmare. Gabe would most likely never forgive him but was it maybe worth it in the end?  
"Meow."  
Jack looked up to the cat who treated the washing machine like a throne and glared at her.  
"Oh shut up, you fluffy serial killer."

  
III.

  
"She vomited in my boots, Gabe!"  
"I'm sure she didn't mean to. Did you, buttercup?"  
"Meow"  
"See? It was purely accidental, Jack. Don't get your boy scout panties in a twist. She's only a cat."  
"I fucking hate you sometimes. You and your cat. Especially your cat."  
"No you don't, sunshine."  
"Stop grinning, Gabe..."

  
  
IV.

  
Another Blackwatch mission, another cat sitting. This was the first and last time of that at Jack's place.  
"I needed that suit jacket, Gabe! And she knew it. Why else would she sleep on it?!"  
"Maybe because she likes you and liked your smell? Cats do that all the time. She sleeps on my clothes pretty regularly."  
Jack threw the aforementioned garment back onto the bed where Lady Monster Truck did not even deign to look at it. The beast _had_ done it on purpose. He knew it! Jack made a step towards the cat before Gabriel stopped him with a steady hand on his chest.  
One eyebrow raised high his best friend looked reproachfully at him and Jack hated every second of it. Usually he was the one who looked at Gabriel that way whenever he came back from a mission that hadn't gone quite as planned - which meant most of them. How the tables had turned.  
Jack narrowed his eyes. First at his friend who didn't stop staring disapprovingly at him and than at the cat that had started all of this.  
"This is your fault. I hope you're happy now."  
Happy purring could be heard before Lady Monster Truck stepped on his suit jacket and curled into a happy little ball right on top of it.  
Jack made a loud "tch" sound.  
"Monster."  
  
  
  
+1  
  
No matter how much Jack and Lady Monster Truck disliked each other they had one common enemy: Gabe's girlfriends. The current one was named Jasmine, 5'10", blue eyed, natural blonde, looked like a model and totally Gabriel's type. Not that Jack actually cared all that much - except that he apparently did. Considering that he was having some kind of temporal truce with Gabriel's cat as long as Gabe had a girlfriend. Lady Monstertruck on his lap and his right hand scratching her under her little kitty chin, Jack sat on his best friend's couch and read the latest report Ana had handed only a few hours earlier. Things were starting to look grim for Overwatch. Now that the Omnic crisis was far behind them, the public became less and less thankful for all their hard work and was slowly starting to turn on them and thanks to being the one in charge, it fell to Jack to stop the worst from happening. His own love life, or lack thereof since Vincent had broken up with over a year ago, just wasn't as important right now. Or ever. A part of Jack was starting to understand what his ex-boyfriend had meant when he'd yelled at Jack that he was married to his work - and Gabriel. That last one hadn't made as much sense. Gabriel was his best friend and next to Ana his second-in-command. Of course he spent a lot of time with him. If Jack was perfectly honest with himself, he would admit that he'd always had a bit of a crush on Gabriel but he'd been with Vincent and Gabe was straight anyway, right? Right. No need to catch any feeling that had no chance to survive anyway.  
Lady's ears perked up and Jack could hear a key rattling a few seconds later. Gabriel was finally home again. Jack could feel a smile crawling onto his lips before he could help himself and Gabe smiled right back. Gabriel pulled of his ever present beanie together with his jacket and hung them up on the wall tree. Jack proceeded to pet Lady Monster Truck's back - without getting scratched for once - and turned back to his report.  
"Glad to see you two finally getting along."  
"Huh" Came Jack's smart answer. He had fully focused on a few lines Angela had added about their newest recruit and his brain needed a few moments to catch up with what Gabriel had said. Jack looked down at the fluffy cat in his lap and shrugged.  
"She's not so bad...sometimes."  
This earned him an amused chuckle from Gabriel who first petted his cat's head before he shortly did the same to Jack's.  
"Hey! Don't ruin the hair!"  
Jack pulled his head away before Gabe could cause even more damage to his carefully styled hair and playfully glowered at his best friend.  
"Such a vain person, Mr. Morrison."  
"I'm not vain." Jack hesitated for a moment before he continued. "Only about the hair though."  
Laughing, Gabriel vanished into the bedroom before he stumbled back out of it a few seconds later.  
"What the hell happened in there?"  
"What are you talking about?"  
Jack knew exactly _what_ Gabriel was talking about. Only half an hour earlier, Lady Monster Truck had peed right onto a pretty dress Jasmine had left lying on Gabe's bed. Jack had been a bit concerned where she was because she had suddenly disappeared into thin air and when he found he, she just looked him plain in the eye while she emptied her bladder. Afterwards Jack had scooped her up, settled onto the couch with her and started petting the tiny monster. Until Gabriel had arrived back home.  
"Lady Monster Truck!"  
Gabriel came storming out of the bedroom, obviously furious, holding the ruined dress in his hand, shaking it in the air as if that answered everything. And actually it did but Jack certainly wouldn't tell him that.  
Jack petted the cat's silky fur again and kept a calm appearance but on the inside he was laughing.  
"I'm sure whatever it is, she didn't mean to do it, Gabe. She's only a cat." Jack echoed Gabriel's words right back at him.  
Stunned silent, Gabriel stood a bit lost in the door frame, gaping at his friend while Jack tried his hardest to resist to tell Lady she was a _good kitty_. The best kitty. So weird noises might have escaped him though. With the way Lady Monster Truck's bright yellow eyes suddenly landed on him instead of still being fixated on Gabriel.  
Gabe looked from Jack to the dress, made a disgusted face and stomped off towards the kitchen to hopefully throw it away.  
"Mrrreow."  
"Mrrreow indeed, you little monster."  
Another scratch under her chin and Jack went back to his report, mood suddenly lifted. Come tomorrow Lady Monster Truck and Jack would remember that they despised each other but right now they had grudgingly come to accept one another for the moment.


End file.
